Modern Alistair is the kind of guy to take out his phone and show people he just met photos of his dog and his girlfriend.
“This is my dog”
“This is my dog hanging out in the backyard”
“This is my dog napping on my girlfriend”
“This is my girlfriend, isn’t she beautiful, don’t answer that, I already know the answer”
“This is the rat that snuck it’s way into our house and was eating all our cheese. I called it the Archdemon. My girlfriend killed it and saved us all. Isn’t she cool?”
Modern Morrigan is the girl groaning in the background as he shoves his phone in everyone’s face.
“beauty and the beast” where beauty’s dad comes home with the rose and is like oh shit oh shit this terrible monster says i have to come live with him forever because i picked his favorite flower and beauty just goes fuck that and puts on her pants and marches down to the beast’s castle herself
and she’s expecting this horrifying dark fortress but it’s actually sort of just a normal castle with big rose bushes and furniture that’s sometimes alive
and she thinks, i can work with this
and the beast comes out and he’s like don’t look at me i am a hideous monster and beauty’s like dude you’re like a talking tiger in a cape are you kidding you’re AWESOME can i pet you can i stroke your paws can you give me a ride
and he’s like what and she goes around the castle like okay we’ll put curtains here and expand the kitchen and this could be a really cute breakfast nook
and the beast is confused because isn’t she supposed to be terrified and hate him and he had all these intimidating speeches planned and he’s like uh aren’t you going to try to run away
and beauty’s all are you kidding this is a magic castle i’m going to live here forever
so they just sort of settle in together and one day beauty goes home for the weekend to visit her family and they’re all amazed that she’s alive and her sisters go WHY DIDN’T THE HUGE MONSTER EAT YOU TO DEATH and she’s like nahhh he’s basically just a big cat he’s kind of cute actually sometimes he plays with yarn when he thinks i’m not looking
and she explains how it’s really not that bad, all the dishes wash themselves and i get all these gorgeous dresses for free because the castle doesn’t know what else to do with them and yeah there are flowers everywhere but hey that’s his hobby y’know i’m not gonna discourage that man
and then one day while beauty’s re-alphabetizing her magic library and trying to decide where to put that enchanted mirror the beast comes up and he’s like hey so this is awkward but are you like………………………………..in love with me……?????????
and beauty’s like oh uh wow haha um sorry no you’re…sort of a tiger
and the beast is like thank goodness because if you were i’d have to turn back into a human and i’ve kind of gotten used to being a big lion thing with horns and the ability to speak english for some reason like why would i want to go back to being a spindly little man and then beauty laughs and she’s like okay well can you go catch us a wild boar for dinner, dear
and they end up getting married in the end just because it’s easier to explain that way, you know, a single lady ~~living alone with a man~~ even if he’s not actually a man, and that’s fine with them because beauty was never really into the whole boys and sex thing and the beast (whose name is jeff) is honestly more interested in his flowers
and whenever any of the other ladies in the village give her any shit beauty is just like, oh, you don’t like my crepes? well you know my husband, who is literally a tiger, loves them and then everyone leaves her alone, which is really all she ever wanted
and she goes back to her magic castle and sits down with a book in front of the fire and rests her feet on her cat husband and nobody bothers her ever again
can that happen
8D
Can we have a whole book of aromantic fairy tales?
I needed this so much.
Ah yes I would so buy that! Take my money! ALL OF IT!
I will reblog this every time I see it on my dash. Aro/Ace Belle gives me life.
Felt like doing a complete redesign of Velanna’s starting outfit. Well, mostly I just wanted to draw Velanna and didn’t want to draw her default. I went through a lot of wild variations before I settled on this. Wanted something somewhat feminine, dignified, but also with a bit of an edge and clearly Dalish.
having an experienced warrior/mage/rogue as an inquisitor is great and all, but what about someone who doesn’t know a thing about combat?
someone who hasn’t spent their life to learning how to fight, but rather someone who hasn’t a clue how to swing a sword or fire an arrow
the advisors are weary for the herald’s lack of training, but they push to teach them along the way
so cullen offers his sword and shields skills, holding sparring lessons in the courtyard at dawn
iron bull and krem teach the inquisitor how to swing a two-handed sword, and although they knick bull in the shins a couple of times, they eventually are good enough to practice with real bandits
the herald could work with sera and varric, shooting at apples perched atop the fortress’ walls as the elf laugh at how poor the herald’s aim is while the dwarf corrects their fighting position
solas, vivienne and dorian teach a mage inquisitor how to hone their powers so fire doesn’t explode everywhere when they attempt to cast a spell. dorian and solas fight about whether or not the herald should take up necromancy as vivienne effortlessly displays her knight enchanter techniques. the mage quizzy trys to replicate the mana sword through the bickering, only to have it manifest as an oddly shaped blob
blackwall could teach the inquisitor defence techniques in the barn, making sure to treat the inexperienced student as gently as possible. cassandra would observe them, reminding the herald of their footing every once in a while. she would practice with them when they were ready for her.
cole and leliana would show a rogue-in-training how to hide in the shadows in order to take out an enemy unsuspectingly. josephine would order the sharpest and highest quality blades for the herald. they would cut themselves often, determined to get in enough practice to defeat corypheus.
imagine an unexperienced herald, scared and afraid of the enemies they face in unfamiliar territory
they would fall many times, dependent on their companions to finish the fight
but they would never give up – they would be committed to learning a new art, no matter how awful they are
I drew it for a reason. Because tamed dragons are not canon. How did Buny. It was a bug in the game. After the murder of Fereldan Frostback, to my Inquisitor attached one of her kids. He attacked no one, wasn’t aggressive and just ran behind my Inquisitor. But then Solas killed him… I was very upset and decided to draw him. :C
1. Just Buny 2. With Cullen 3. Buny and Maraas. My Inquisitor 4-5. With Iron Bull, of course
Okay
so I saw this post (and it’s a super cute blog, 10/10 would recommend
if you like DA and weird modern aus) and it got me thinking
What
if Cole got the Inquisition’s hand-me-downs? Especially if you
consider how frequently the Inquisitor hoards new, better equipment
for their Inner Circle, there has got to be cast-asides, right? And
Cole just loves every single awful stitch of those hand-me-downs as
he builds himself outfits out of bits and pieces of all his friends.
The
Inquisitor gives him a sweater that proved to be too impractical for
someone who’s leading the Inquisition and is routinely wading in and
out of chaos. Or a pair of knit, strangely patterned socks that
their parents sent them but don’t quite match the “I am an
intimidating world power, respect and fear me” look that their
advisors are trying to encourage, and honestly mom there’s only so
many knit socks one person can own. Or just any of the various coats
and belts and rings and boots that they pick up along the way and
think yeah that’d be just about perfect…
He
gets a pair of Bull’s ridiculous pants that are so big on him that he
could just as easily use them as a tent, but he just cinches them
tight with a belt and runs around with them billowing behind him.
He
gets scarves from Varric when Varric catches him shivering one day,
just wearing his threadbare, patched shirt. (And if you want to go
further: didn’t Anders mention that he wanted to take up knitting?
Imagine a lumpy, weird-shaped scarf that Anders made him and that despite
everything Varric has held onto it all these years. But when he sees
Cole, displaced spirit who’s still trying to get use to the real
world and things like cold, he knows that Anders would want it
to do good for someone who needs it)
Cassandra
ruins a tunic training one day and instead of throwing it away she
lets Cole have it and he lovingly stitches it back up. (Blackwall
teaches him how to improve his sewing, because a man who’s travelled
alone for as long as Blackwall has he definitely knows a few tricks,
and he gets Cole some different, brightly coloured thread to use)
Cole
eagerly uses this thread to patch his clothes with bits and pieces
from all sorts of hand-me-downs that are too battered to be
scavenged. Just imagine all the plaidweave. Vivienne gives him some
of her own ruined robes to cut to pieces and use as patches just so
she won’t have to see anymore of that cursed excuse for fashion.
After
Cole takes to doing this, whenever Josephine gets in swatches of
sample fabrics from merchants she always passes them on to Cole when
she’s done with them so that he can have these various patches of
strange, exotic fabrics.
This
is all well and good of course, but Cullen also puts in an effort to
make sure that Cole at least has few pieces of real
armour among all this, or at least protective runes that can be added
to his clothes so that he’s prepared for all the people that tend to
want to kill you when you travel with the Inquisitor.
Cole
even ends up with some of Dorian’s old robes after he decides he
simply cannot be seen in them anymore, and Cole loves wearing them on
rainy days because the water slicks off the tough leather perfectly,
though he never manages to figure out all the buckles.
This
just becomes something that people do without thinking about it,
because old clothes need to go somewhere and Cole always seems
surprised and thrilled when he gets gifts. Eventually he has enough
that if you were to ever go to his little corner in the Herald’s Rest
and investigate the crates you’d find a couple filled with all these
hand-me-downs, lovingly folded and stored away for later.
By the
end he looks like a positive rag doll but he loves it all with every
bit of his soul because it’s proof that instead of forgetting about
him, his friends think of him at random moments, see something and
think that he would like it, and lets him hold little bits of them
close to his heart.
Hawke: I thought you’d use the feathers I found for you in some kind of spell or ritual or something. Anders: This is a far better use for them, don’t you think? Hawke: … Hawke: Do we really need more cats? Anders: Absolutely.
Man. I feel so thirsty lately. I can’t drink enough water. I feel like the senator guy in that X-Men movie after getting exposed to Magneto’s mutant machine, and he keeps drinking drinking drinking water uncontrollably until he dives into the ocean and becomes a terrifying jellyfish creature and explodes. Freaking Magneto. I was already sympathetic to the mutant cause. Why you gotta hate?
You’re not a mutant, honey, you’re a mermaid. It’s all right. Once your scales start coming in, you won’t be as thirsty.
You know, being a diagnostician in a world with more public magical creatures must be a trip and a half.
“Extreme thirst has a lot of causes. Let’s check your blood sugar, and let’s take a skin sample to see if you’re developing scales.”
“Joint pain is pretty common when someone’s pushing themself that way with training, and I’d definitely recommend some rest, but it sounds like it’s been coming on with the moon so we might want to do a blood test to check for lycanthropy.”
“I’m going to give you this journal. Keep track of how often you’re near bodies of water and copses of trees – not single trees, there needs to be a cluster.”
“Bear with me, I know you’re lactose intolerant, but buy a pint of milk and keep it in your kitchen. If it spoils faster than expected, we’ll have a better idea of what’s going on here.”
“Have you considered that you may not, in fact, actually be a mammal?”
“Okay, I’m going to have to refer you to a specialist. It looks like your tertiary dentition is coming in.”
“I think we need to check for allergic reactions to silver, iron, a few types of wood, garlic, and holy water. That’ll help us rule out some possible causes for this rash. In the mean time I think you should avoid Italian food and holy ground.”
“Have you noticed clusters of birds following you? Were they corvids? Hm, interesting. You ought to come in to the office so we can discuss this further.”
“That itching sensation might be a rash, but I think we ought to give you an MRI and see if you’re about to grow horns.”
“How long has your baby been crying? Have you tried touching cold iron to her?”
8D
Delicious Fish 