Tag: me

I woke up at 3pm today. I just… How?? I had an alarm set which I was awake for. I turned it off and went to get up and then it was 3.
I am so confused. It’s nearly 5 and I have to go to brownies in an hour and I’m still wearing pyjamas.
It’s not like I stayed up late, I went to bed around 11, so that’s about, 16 hours sleep? What the hell body? O.o
Blood tests came back normal which is good, but also confusing. I am broken but not biologically. Right. Ok.
I should get dressed now.
Yes
Right
I’m gone
Honest.

I’m always worried I’ve over stepped my borders. But, nothing I’ve said is untrue and I think everybody likes nice messages and hugs.
And ableist shit should be called out. Especially all that OCD is a joke crap. It hurts people who genuinely have mental health issues (… Like me…) And there’s ’s no need for it.
I hope I haven’t upset anyone, but I hope I can help people understand.
I hope I’m a nice, good person. I try my best to be. I never want to hurt anyone, even if I am scared and anxious whenever I try to be kind or stick up for people who need it. I hope I can do some good in my life even if it’s just a hug or some support when people need it most.
Gosh, this got rambly.
Tldr; I hope people can see I’m trying and I hope my efforts can give some sort of positive effect.

Please don’t read this. I just needed to write it out. I hope the read more works.

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I hope the read more worked and if it didn’t then please accept my apologies, I don’t wanna offload onto anyone except tumblr, so please go ahead and skip this.

That’s what I get for using the mobile app.

I wanna say I’m angry or pissed off or at least that I’m really cross right now, but I’m just tired and very little else.
I just. I don’t wanna deal with this, but that’s something I need to do cos it’s fucking me up on the inside. (Like physically, not like emotionally. All my emotions come out through my stomach and this is giving me cramps the size of France)

I feel like anything I say right now, here and actually in person would be so over dramatic, but I can’t really think of any other way to describe how… fed-up(?) I am. It’s not like it’s anything new or like it’s something especially awful that’s happened. It’s just that I’ve let things go unchecked for so long and I don’t know how to stop this without destroying everything.

And destroying everything is starting to look darn attractive.

I wanna say I feel betrayed or that I feel taken for granted or like no one cares how I feel, but that’s all bull shit.
I know that my mum will always be on my side no matter what happens and I’m so thankful for her. I know my sister is always just a Skype away and that even though I can’t hug her physically, that she’s always there for me too. Hell, any of my relatives would be there for me if I asked, but again, that feels like way way way over dramatic.

I know who else would be there for me if I asked, but I feel like I’ve missed this happening to them and that I don’t deserve their help. Though, they do seem to be in a better state than me!

Which is kinda my own fault. I need to let it go or deal with it. I know that, but I can’t. won’t. don’t fucking want to. But then, I want this to go away for the right reasons and not cos I’ve distracted my self with cake and top gear.

Hopefully anyone reading this has given up by now, but fuuuck! I just can’t believe it. I can’t believe that I’ve done all this and I’m worth so little.

HOW FUCKING DARE YOU???

and I said I wasn’t cross.

I’m gonna go… do something else now. I just can’t right now. I just can’t.

Fuck